Dumb Criminals in Titletown

Headlines, books, T.V. Shows, and reporters know that a great dumb criminal story sells. Police officers think of dumb criminals as evidence of job security, while others shake their heads in disbelief and wonder why people wish to eliminate themselves from the gene pool. At the same time, some people just can't resist the tempatation to do something really strange, unbelievable, and downright dumb. Titletown USA has its share of the bizarre and dumb criminals and some of their true stories are below for your reading enjoyment!

"Totally Blind Man is Found Driving on N. Broadway"

May 24, 1950 - A local man was arrested Friday night for letting a totally blind man drive his car. About midnight, Officer Loyal Nelson spotted a car weaving about as it traveled along N. Broadway. He stopped the auto and asked the man behind the wheel if he was the owner. The man in the passenger seat replied and identified himself as he. When asked why he let his blind friend drive the owner replied, "He never had driven, and I wanted to give him the feel of the wheel". But, being the helpful vehicle owner and helping to keep it on the roadway, he was giving his blind friend directions on when to turn and how much. The vehicle owner was arrested and charged with allowing an unauthorized person to operate a motor vehicle. Thanks to Officer Nelson, these citizens remained members of the gene pool.

"Blows His Nose, Car Wrong Goes, Now He $90 Owes"

Just when you thought cell phones were a problem today, check out this story from March 23, 1937: Keeping his nose clean may cost Napoleon Gegare $90, according to Green Bay Police. While driving down E. Mason Street last night, Gegare took out his handkerchief and blew his nose. He blew with such force, his car got out of control and crashed into a parked car at 1320 E. Mason Street. Thankfully, Gegare was unhurt and the damage to his vehicle was estimated at $75 and the other only $15. So, before you go digging for nose nuggets, blowing your "horn" or even talking on your cell phone, remember the plight of Mr. Gegare and please keep your vehicle under control!

"Just When You Thought You Were Having a Bad Day"

February 4, 1957 - Mrs. J. F. Campbell was driving her vehicle on ice-covered roads and collided with another auto at the west side intersection of Melrose Avenue and Bond Street. Officer George Thebo was dispatched and investigated the crash. Mrs. Campbell was transported to St. Vincent's Hospital where her minor injuries were treated and she was later released. While completing the report of Mrs. Campbell's crash, Officer Thebo was dispatched to another crash on the west side. While traveling north on N. Broadway with lights and siren blaring, Officer Thebo was forced to evade another vehicle and struck the rear of a cab. The taxi just happened to being transporting Mrs. Campbell home from St. Vincent's where she whence returned for neck and head injuries received in this second crash! In addition to Officer Thebo's ego being damaged, he too was taken to the hospital for minor injuries to his left hand.

"Police Find Burglar, But Make No Arrests"

March 21, 1939 - Detectives working on the burglary of a filling station at 431 S. Broadway, where a squad car crew found a window forced open Sunday morning, today marked the case "closed" after securing a confession from the burglar. But they didn't arrest him! That's because the youngest known burglar in Titletown history - an eight (8) year-old boy, committed the crime! Intrigued by a shiny flashlight at the station, the boy forced his way in and took it.

"Holdup Men Using Lone Ranger's Call"

Before the T.V. was to be found in every American home, the radio was a primary source of entertainment with potentially twisted negative influences... April 11, 1939 - "Do you know there are holdup men working in town?" demanded a woman who called the police station last evening. Her eight year-old son and his chum had been forced to surrender 10 cents ice cream money to a trio of boys about the same age, who then galloped away shouting "Hi-yo, Silver!" to imaginary horses. Not content with one foray, the three "bandits" ambushed the two boys again and took "away" another nickel that they had overlooked the first time.

"I've Just Killed Myself..."

April 12, 1951 - It was shortly before 11:00a.m. when Press-Gazette managing editor Leo V. Gannon answered the phone and heard a females voice say, "I've just killed myself." Strange, considering that the person who just "killed" herself was still talking, but he kept her on the line while another employee phoned the police. Police responded to the home of Mrs. Kate Goodchild and upon forcing entry she was found unconscious, but alive. Next to her were two empty bottles that had contained sedatives. A rescue squad was summoned and after receiving 1,200 pounds of oxygen, she was transported to St. Vincent Hospital. Her condition was described as "poor, very poor."